Blackout.

My palms are sweaty, my heart is racing, and my vision is getting blurry. I feel like my mind is shutting down. I'm lost, confused, and trying to comprehend what is happening. "Kemburrrly, Kemburrrly.... Entiendes?", calls my professor.

Quick say something, anything! You can do this brain just think. Nothing. I got nothing. Okay breath, calm down, think...I've got it! So I kick back to reality and open my mouth to answer, but the professor has given up and moved on....ugh.

In every class all I do is sit there, listen, and pray that I am invisible. Where is that dang invisibility cloak when you need it, huh?

Classes are so hard, but on the up side my spanish IS, in fact, getting better. Except for the few times I am called on in class, that's when I blackout and my mind draws a blank. Not only do I have trouble thinking of an answer in spanish; I can't even come up with a witty answer in english! I get so nervous. I hate it. All i can think about now is the students that are studying abroad at OSU. I have put myself in their shoes and I now understand how completely vulnerable they are.

This is where I spend all day being utterly lost and confused.

I'm constantly trying to improve though. I study every morning and every night. Listening to one lecture over again twice and scribbling in a notebook vocabulary I don't understand. No one said this was easy...Gosh they were right. Looking back I took all of my classes as OSU for granted. Complaining and whining about things I understood, but was to lazy to comprehend. It was so much easier and all I did was whine because I wanted to be out with my friends instead. Now I'm in this amazing place and all I do is study! haha. Funny how that works.

I'm meeting new people everyday. The number one question here is, "how many languages do you speak?"...my not so impressive answer, "one and a half?!" I'm so jealous of these other students. Most speak at a minimum three languages. Yes, three! For some it's more then that. Why do the American school systems have to be uncultured and cheap!? Could you imagine if our country integrated different languages from the start of kindergarten. Americans think we're powerful, but imagine if only we were a little more well rounded. We could accomplish so much! I hate answering that dreaded question. It makes me feel so small, smaller then I already am, and uneducated. If languages were a sport and Spain was a playground, I definitely would be the last kid picked. The loser, bench warmer, waterboy (girl in my case), the poor kid that's shagging the soccer balls for the team. Yup, that's me.

It's a struggle not to feel incompetent compared to all of these other students. I just have to keep reminding myself I will come out on top, eventually. Patience is a virtue?...I'm still not so sure. haha.

Trying to play along with the big kids in Spain,

Kimee Paige

Here is my attempt at a Vlog. I don't know which is worse, my writing or a vlog haha.

"Fall seven times, stand up eight." -Japanese Proverb